


Growing Pains

by changkyuns_tongue



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Character Death, Im so sorry why did I ever even write this im crying, Minor Original Character(s), Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Oblivious Eunhyuk, Sad Donghae, Sadness, Self-Harm, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 20:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10474116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changkyuns_tongue/pseuds/changkyuns_tongue
Summary: No matter what, everything will work out. Or at least that's what Lee Donghae told himself. He'd seen all the movies and read all the stories where the guy has a crush on the girl and he tells her and everything works out. But what if the guy likes another guy, his best friend to be more specific. But what if the crush already has a GIRLFRIEND. What if Donghae cant even work up the courage to tell Eunhyuk how he feels. All he knows is that everything doesn't always work out. No matter what the stories and movies tell you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> To those of you that have read or are going to read. I'm sorry this is literally so sad. I was feeling down and ended up writing super sad angsty one shot so here you go

I knocked on the door, waiting patiently for someone to open the door. Today was the day, I was planning on telling my best friend for life that I had a crush on him. I was a little worried at the moment because I wasn't sure how he would react, but I'm sure that even if he doesn't like me back, he wouldn't hate me or anything.

"Oh thank god you're finally here, Hae!" Eunhyuk said, pulling me into his house and up to his room. He sat down on the floor with me following.

"I have something to tell you!" We both shouted excitedly at the same time.

"Okay, okay...you go first." I said, chuckling at our behavior.

"Are you sure?" He asked, earning a nod from me.

"Okay. Well...you know Krystal? The girl in our economics class?" He asked, getting another nod his way. Sure I had known her. Her and her group of friends had teased me ever since seventh grade. But I had never really let it get to me because she didn't mean anything to me. It was now our twelfth grade year, we were seniors. I had so much to live for and accomplish after school. So I wasn't going to let her get to me.

"Well she and I are dating now!" Eunhyuk stated happily with a smile that could brighten up the whole room if the lights hadn't already been on. My heart dropped, but I wasn't going to let him know how upset I was.

"T-that's great, Hyukkie. I'm happy for you." I said with a smile on my face, trying to hide the disappointment.

"Okay well, what were you going to tell me?" He asked.

"Um, nothing...I-it wasn't really important."

~

Come on, Hae. We're going to be late for the movie!" Eunhyuk yelled, walking quickly with Krystal's hand laced in his. I was a few steps behind them. But I was used to that, third wheeling. Ever since Eunhyuk had started dating Krystal, it's felt like he's forgotten about me.

"Yeah, yeah. It's not a big deal if you guys get there before me. Just go ahead." I said, stopping in my tracks.

"You better show up." Eunhyuk laughed.

"I'll be there." I replied with a small chuckle, waving them off. I watched as Krystal thumped a unsure Eunhyuk's forehead,

"Yah, he said he would be there. Let's just go!" She said in her annoyingly high pitched voice before dragging him away. My eyes fell to their laced hands as I watched the girl walk away with my best friend. A single tear left my eye as they disappeared, out of my sight.

"What does she have that I don't, Hyukkie? Am I just not good enough..." I muttered to myself as more tears welled up. I stood up, running a hand through my hair before starting my walk home.

~

"Hey, what's that?" Eunhyuk asked, pointing to the sleeve of my sweater.

"A-ah, it's nothing. Sugar scratched me this morning when I was getting ready. That's all." I replied, pulling my sleeve down, trying to hide the marks on my arm.

"Are you sure?" He asked, concern lacing his voice, "Maybe you should let me look. It could get infected." He reached for my arm but I quickly pulled it away, standing up off his bedroom floor.

"I-I should go. It's getting late." I stuttered before leaving the room, not giving him time to reply. As I walked down the stairs, I was stopped by his mom.

"Leaving so soon, Donghae?" She asked.

"Yes ma'am. Mom needs my help with something at home." I replied.

"Okay dear, see you again soon." She muttered with a smile before going back to what she was reading. I walked out of the welcoming house, looking down at the ground as I started walking. My gaze shot up as I felt a body collide with mine.

"Watch where you're going, asshole." My eyes widened when I heard the voice of Eunhyuk's girlfriend.

"Oh...It's you. What were you doing at Hyukkie's house? Were you trying to seduce him into breaking up with m- oh, what's this?" She asked, grabbing my arm. I winced in pain.

"Man...you really are pathetic. What does Eunhyuk see in you? Honestly...you should just off yourself right now. You don't deserve to be called Eunhyuk's best friend. What would he think if he found out you had a crush on him? He would probably be disgusted" she snickered, digging her painted black nails into my injured arm. I yelled out in pain as the cuts began to bleed again.

"Stay away from my Hyukkie." She said before letting go of my arm and walking up to Eunhyuk's house. I walked quickly to the end of the street before hearing a loud pitched squeal. When I turned my head to look, I saw Eunhyuk, hugging Krystal tightly and spinning her around in circles before giving her a kiss. Tears welled up in my eyes and began falling as I turned back around and started the walk back to my house. As I walked, the words of Krystal replayed over and over.

~"You really are pathetic."  
~"You don't deserve to be called Eunhyuk's best friend."  
~"Honestly...you should just off yourself right now."

The last one played like a broken record in my head the whole way home. Maybe she was right. Maybe I really am no good for him. Maybe everyone would be better off if I was gone. Once I got to my house, I quickly took off my shoes before running upstairs to my room, trying to see through the tears that were still streaming down my face. I stripped out of my black sweater, which has blood seeping through the sleeves. I threw it in my dirty laundry hamper before stumbling to my bathroom. I opened the cabinet, pulling out a pill bottle. This was it. My parents were going to be gone for the rest of the week due to a business trip in the states. So I knew no one would be here to stop me or save me. The cap was thrown to the ground as I dumped the whole bottle of all too familiar pills in my hand. All in one go, I swallowed every pill. I stumbled back into my room, letting my eyes fall onto my smart phone. I picked it up, sitting down on my bed and hitting the new message button and choosing Eunhyuk's contact before typing a long message out. I knew I had to hurry because I could feel the pills finally taking effect. Right as I was about to hit send, my phone dropped to the ground and everything went black.

~

"Yah, why are you ignoring me just so you can play on your phone?" Krystal asked.

"I'm doing something important." I muttered, not sparing her a glance as I continued to type a message to my best friend. She looked over my shoulder and scoffed when she saw what I was doing.

"You're ignoring your girlfriend just so you can text your sorry excuse of a best friend?" She asked, rolling her eyes.

"He hasn't replied to my calls or texts since he left my house yesterday." I said, obviously worried.

"He probably wont reply. Maybe he took my advice." She muttered and chuckled under her breath. My eyes shot up to meet hers.

"What advice?" I asked.

"Oh well yanno...I saw him come out of your house when I came over yesterday...and I know he has a crush on you, Oppa! But I know you don't swing that way so you would've been disgusted if you found out. So I told him that he didn't deserve you and that he should just off himself. That's all, Oppa!" She explained, trying to sound innocent. My eyes widened and I stood up quickly.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"I have to go check on him! You have no idea what you might have just done. Get out of my house. Don't come back, either. We are through." I said before speeding out of my house. Donghae had always had problems with depression. Ever since his sister had died. I was always there for him. But lately, I had been spending all of my time with Krystal.

"God, Donghae please be okay." I muttered. His house was a few streets away so I decided to just head to his house on foot. I ran and ran, as fast as I could. Even when my lungs burned and I was gasping for air, I didn't stop running till I got to his house. I knocked a few times, but didn't get a single answer. I think I remember Donghae saying something about his parents being gone all week for a business trip so I'm guessing that's why their cars weren't in the drive way. After getting impatient, I opened the front door, not caring if I was let in or not. When I entered the house, it was oddly quiet. Normally, when you came in, you would immediately here the TV blaring a sports game with Donghae's dad shouting at the teams to "play like they meant it." Normally, when you walked in, you would hear the teasing scolding of Donghae's mom and the whining of him telling her to stop. But now, all you could hear was dead silence.

"Hae!" I yelled out, running up the stairs and slamming the door to his room open. A hand flew to my mouth as I choked back a sob when I saw the scene in front of me. There he was, laying on his bed in a black tank top, not making a single movement.

"Please just be asleep." I kept repeating in my head as I crept towards him. As I got closer, I noticed the dark red cuts on his arm that I had asked about yesterday.

"Yah, Hae! Donghae!" I cried, shaking him. My hand moved up to his neck. However, there was no pulse. Tears fell harder as I came to the realization that I was too late. I fished my phone out of my pocket, dialing 911 and telling the them the address before hanging up. My eyes moved to his small phone that was l laying right beside his hand. I picked it up, unlocking it quickly. It was still on the new message screen and it was addressed to me.

"Hey Hyukkie, it's Hae. Umm, we probably won't be able to talk to each other again for a long while. I ran into Krystal today. She told me that I should just off myself because I didn't deserve you and honestly, I think she was right. I'm not good enough for you, Hyuk. I was stupid enough to fall in love with my best friend, so now I have to deal with the consequences. I hope you and Krystal are happy together. I'm glad you finally met someone that will make you happy. I'm going to miss you. But don't be too upset okay? It's not all bad. I'll finally get to see Seohae again. You know how much I've missed her. So there is some good in all of this. I love you, Eunhyuk. Don't have too much fun without me haha. Well, I'll end this here because I think the pills are starting to take effect. I'll see you again one day, Hyukkie. ~Donghae<3"  
I dropped the phone to the ground before laying my head on his chest.

"How could you j-just leave me like this, Hae? I-I could've helped you through this if you would've just told m-me." I cried out. After a few seconds of sobbing, I lost it.

"Hae! You have to wake up! I can't live without y-you!" I cried, grabbing him by the arms and shaking him again. I heard the front door open and people come up the stairs before I felt myself being pulled away from my best friend.

"N-no, let me g-go!" I yelled, kicking and screaming for them to let me go.

"Sir, you need to calm down." a lady said in a soft voice.

"L-let me go!" I yelled again as I was being dragged out of the house. The men sat me down on the grass.

"It's too late... There's nothing you can do. I'm sorry for your loss." The lady said with sad eyes.

"NO! He's not gone! Just let me back in!" I screamed, getting held down so I couldn't get up.

"Sir, you really need to calm down. It will be okay. But we have to ask you some questions."

~

I knocked on the door softly. After a few seconds, the door opened, revealing Mrs. Lee.

"Oh, Hyukkie. How are you?" She asked me, obviously surprised to see me. I hadn't visited her since Donghae's funeral, which was a good few months ago. I hadn't had time. His death had really made an impact on me. Mom wouldn't let me out of her sight because she was scared I would do something stupid. I was a mess.

"I'm good, ma'am. Here, these are for you." I replied, handing her the bouquet of pink and red flowers.

"Ahh, how sweet of you. But the ma'am isn't necessary. I'm practically your second mom. Stop being so formal." She chuckled before letting me in the house. The air was awkward, much like the day I found Hae. I sat on the couch across from the chair she was sitting in.

"So, how are things?" I asked, trying not to sound too awkward.

"Well, things...are different. It's a lot quieter around here now." She replied with a sad smile.

"We haven't stepped foot in his room since the accident. I don't think I could manage it." She muttered, a single tear falling from her eyes. I handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes.

"D-do you mind if I..." I slowly faded out.

"If you want to, sweetie." She reassured. I nodded to her before standing up. I made my way up the staircase. When I turned the door handle and pushed it opened, there was a small creaking sound. I took a step into the room and everything was exactly the same. Only, there was no lifeless body of my best friend on the bed. My feet dragged me closer to where everything had happened. I sat on the small bed, running my hand over the patch of dry blood from his injured arm. A tear fell from my eye as the scene replayed in my head once again. My eyes ran over the entire room. Practically nothing had changed. A small, folded up piece of paper on the wood night stand caught my eye. When I opened it up, I immediately realized it was a song. I knew Donghae had written songs, but he had never let me see them. He had always said that he didn't think they were good enough to show me. I took a deep breath before reading the lyrics,

"This cold night street  
These heartbreaking footsteps  
Some day, it’ll all pass  
Memories of us crazily in love  
It will slowly flow down  
Forgotten with time  
(Forgotten)  
I tried going into your closed heart  
But in this empty room  
I discovered ourselves already broken  
So it hurts  
But I hope you aren’t hurting as much as me  
I hope for this every day, countlessly  
I hope you won’t remember as much as I do  
I hope you’re better than me  
Oh today and tomorrow  
My thoughts that were filled with you  
Even those thoughts push me away as if they’re irritated  
I chase after the clock hands, chase after time  
But there, I discovered you leaving  
I’m in a rush and you’re in a hurry to leave  
Like an express train, my footsteps are rushed every day  
(Surrendered to the memories)  
Now we’re like an old and worn notebook filled with scribbles  
I tried going into my lost memories  
But now I can’t see you  
I discovered ourselves already disappeared  
So it hurts (it hurts so much)  
But I hope you aren’t hurting as much as me  
I hope for this every day, countlessly  
I hope you won’t remember as much as I do  
I hope you’re better than me  
Oh today and tomorrow  
One Two Three Four Five (I put it all down today)  
I guess I’m forgetting (I can’t really see you)  
Five Four Three Two One, I think time is up  
But I hope you aren’t hurting as much as me  
I hope for this every day, countlessly  
I hope you won’t remember as much as I do  
I hope you’re better than me  
Oh today and tomorrow"

My eyes were practically waterfalls of tears as I read the lyrics. On the bottom of the page there was a messy "I love you, Eunhyuk" which made the tears fall even more. I folded the paper up before putting it in my pocket. I wiped my eyes before heading out of the room and down the stairs.

"I-I'll be going now, Mrs. Lee." I muttered, giving her a hug before heading to the door.

"Okay sweetie...But you really should visit more often. I could use the company." She replied.

"Will do...mom." I said, still unsure. She just gave me a small smile and nod before ushering me out the door. Once I got home, I went straight to my room, laying down in my bed and rereading the song lyrics over and over again, tears falling from my eyes every once in a while. Before I knew it, it was already dark outside and my eyes were getting droopy. I slipped the piece of paper into the drawer in my night stand before curling up into the blanket.

"I love you too, Hae." I muttered before slowly falling asleep.


End file.
